Most of us came up believing that hard work is the answer. I did. A lot of us grew up in gyms where the workout that left you on the floor was the one that was the ‘most effective’, and the story we told ourselves was that it carried over to better fitness. Do hard things in here and you get harder out there. At work, at home, as a parent, etc. That instinct is not wrong. Hard things do teach, and the coaches who protect clients from anything uncomfortable end up contributing to their fragility. I believe this strongly enough that James and I disagreed on the show about how far to take it. He was careful to say challenging, not suffering. I went the other way. I think bouts of suffering are good for people (not the on the floor, can’t move tomorrow kind, the kind where the thing takes every bit of you). I would like to reframe this one a bit though, because “hard” has been covering for a lot of things that are not hard work at all.

Most of us were taught to be supportive as coaches, to support the client and their goals. This is half right IMO. The client is an adult, they know themselves, and a coach who cannot adapt is a coach who loses people. So when a client asks to try something, we immediately go into ‘support mode’. We fold it in, we adjust the plan, we tell ourselves that flexibility is what keeps somebody bought in for the long haul. That instinct is not wrong, and the coaches who NEVER bend tend to end up being self righteous coaches. I would like to reframe this one a bit.

In many of the life coaching/consultation courses I've taken in the past, I was always told to remove my biases and do not 'impose'. The consult exists to find out what the client actually wants. The programs we design exist to get them there. Meet them where they are. Don't put your bias on somebody else. Most of us hold that pretty tightly, because the coaches who ignore it end up building the client they wanted instead of the one sitting in front of them. So we ask better questions, we listen harder, and we let their goals set the direction. I would like to reframe this thought a bit. What if as coaches, we started to look at ourselves as leaders? As teachers trying to move our clients upward? Something that I have taught in CCP for many years is: